Learning to Play

WHAT WE HOPEFULLY LEARN IN KINDERGARTEN

I hope that lessons at the train table and on the playground will help Ayeesha get along with others. Sometimes I want her to work things out for herself and then sometimes I know I have to intervene.

There are times when we can't just walk away. When Ayeesha has hurt another child, for example, we always work together to console the child she's wronged and I ask Ayeesha to look directly at the child's face. "You made him feel SAD," I say. "That is not okay. What can you do to help him feel better?"

When Ayeesha has been seriously hurt by another child I first make sure she's okay and then I figure out how to bring up the issue with the child, the child's caregiver, or both. Usually these conflicts are resolved as quickly as they started and I think Ayeesha learns quite a bit from listening to what the adults are saying to each other.

I am occasionally shocked, however, to find that it's the ADULTS on the playground (or around the train table) who have a hard time communicating and getting along. I've heard parents rationalize harmful behavior or deal with the situation by accusing other people's children -- trying to transfer the blame. I think back to the basic lesson we were all supposed to learn years ago in kindergarten: Play well with others. Only four words -- so simple yet so complex -- and definitely worth remembering.

 PRETEND "NO!" PLAY

Ayeesha won't be in kindergarten for a while, but she has a school of sorts evolving at home. Some of her biggest arguments have been with Baby, her stuffed doll, and Bonkers, her stuffed dog.

A few months ago, she started handing toys to Baby and Bonkers and then quickly pulling them away saying, "No!" I realized she was doing what she wasn't allowed to do with other kids.

I pretended I was Baby with a dramatically sad voice, "Oh no. That makes me so sad. Please share your toy with me. Please?" After a couple of weeks, Ayeesha started acting out the whole thing by herself. She'd hand something to Baby, then pull it away, saying "Sad" in a very sad voice, then hand the object back to the baby, take it away again and say, "Sad" in an even more pitiful voice and so on.

Now Ayeesha does the whole routine with a new ending. After she takes the toy away once and says, "So sad," she leaves the toy with Baby or Bonkers, gives them a turn and says "So HAPPY."

I guess Ayeesha has been working through her real-life conflicts in the safety of her pretend play at home. Luckily, Baby and Bonkers don't seem to mind.